Christmas Moaning

[SPIKE@srufc]

Don't bet on it Spike!

I won't. Cupboard under the stairs for me I think.

[BJ.]

Here's today's Christmas moan. Stupid magazine articles telling you how to have a stress-free Christmas.

TBH Rizzo, if you're going to read these inane articles, then you deserve the stress.

BJ's 10-point recipe for a stress-free Christmas is as follows:

1. First and foremost, forget about it and pretend it doesn't even exist.
2. Don't send or receive any cards or presents.
3. Don't buy 'Christmas' food. Stick to what you normally eat.
4. Stand outside your local supermarket and laugh at those idiots stocking up on three weeks worth of food because the shops might be shut for one or two days.
5. Laugh at people who fall off ladders whilst trying to decorate the outside of their houses with such tasteful items as flashing reindeer or inflatable Santas.
6. When, after telling someone you do not celebrate Christmas, they come out with the side-splittingly funny 'Bah humbug!' routine, ask them if they would offer a Jew or a Muslim a bacon sandwich. When they answer 'no', ask them in a carrying voice why they will not belittle the beliefs of a Jew or Muslim but are perfectly happy to belittle yours.
7. When the Rotary Club come round with their carol-playing wagon and they knock at your door, ask them why they are begging for money. When they say because it's Christmas, ask them why they assume you believe in Christmas.
8. Get your relatives into the habit of thinking you go away at Christmas. That way you stand a better chance of not getting unwanted visits when you sat with your feet up watching an old Tigers DVD.
9. When someone asks you what you got for Christmas, reply either 'no big credit card bills' or simply 'bored'.
10. When the festive period is over, sit back and congratulate yourself for not putting on extra weight and not spending too much money.

[fleabane]

Bah, Humbug! (dives for cover!).

[BJ.]

Bah, Humbug! (dives for cover!).

May I refer you to point 6 in my previous post?

[fleabane]

No! (you asked a closed question).

[Old Hob]

"7. When the Rotary Club come round with their carol-playing wagon and they knock at your door, ask them why they are begging for money. When they say because it's Christmas, ask them why they assume you believe in Christmas."

I tend to deal with the Rotary club, lions etc by telling them that I don't give to failed Masons.

[BJ.]

No! (you asked a closed question).

I find your 'Bah humbug' comment offensive regardless of how many smiling or winking emoticons are used.

My brother had been doing the 'Bah humbug' routine for a long time because he too thought it was funny. Two years ago, even though under strict instructions not to do so, he turned up on my doorstep with a Christmas present for me. When I told him I didn't want it, he started with the Ebenezer Scrooge impersonation so I took the present off him, threw it down the drive and shut the door in his face. It took nearly 30 years for the message to finally sink in with him: I sincerely hope it doesn't take that long with you.

[Rizzo]

BJ - in my defence, I was reading it at the hairdressers where the only other magazine available was Heat. I thought Good Housekeeping was preferable.

[Bill W (2)]

BJ - in my defence, I was reading it at the hairdressers where the only other magazine available was Heat. I thought Good Housekeeping was preferable.

You are pleading insanity?

Find another hairdresser!

[BJ.]

BJ - in my defence, I was reading it at the hairdressers where the only other magazine available was Heat. I thought Good Housekeeping was preferable.

You are pleading insanity?

Find another hairdresser!

For once I'm inclined to agree with Bill.

[fleabane]

I am indeed sorry you found my reply offensive BJ.

Perhaps we should all be more thoughtful of other peoples' sensitivities when we post?

[DickyP]

Bah, Humbug! (dives for cover!).

May I refer you to point 6 in my previous post?

I can't help feeling you've missed the point of Bah Humbug for the last 30 years by your own admission. Yours is the 'Bah Humbug' routine not the people who say it to you - and I do hope you enjoy your meetings with the three spirits.

And here are some emoticons - just to keep you happy, 'cos I know you like them.

[Kinoulton]

Going back to the Christmas card thing, it is firkin ridiculous and I have definitely dropped out long ago.

I dare say that long ago when communication and travel were more difficult, then the Post Office was not just a vital part of society (as it is now) but also something that could bring joy.

Sending a postcard to someone who lived in a different county, saying you were on holiday in Chapel St Leonards, remembering them at Christmasa as you wouldn't have any chance of getting to see them, must all have been a charming and inexpensive diversion from the tough times.

But now?

People in executive jobs living in five bedroomed houses feel the need to give an expensive card to a family they rarely talk to who live in another five bedroomed house two doors away.

And then they go to work where they slavishly write out umpteen identical cards to Sally in accounts, Dave in HR...

And for each card they give, they get an equally expensive one back.

It's meaningless!

And our next door neighbour used to count how many cards she'd received and compare it with how many we'd got.

I haven't sent a Christmas card to anyone (except my stepsons when they're serving overseas) for donkey's years. But I still received loads from people who write "Happy Xmas from Jill, John, Gemima, Katie and Harry" and I think "who the heck are these people, and why do their kids want to send a greeting to someone (i.e.me) that they've never even heard of?"

And I bet their kids are horrible anyway.

But anyway, I do love Christmas.

[DCat]

BJ - in my defence, I was reading it at the hairdressers where the only other magazine available was Heat. I thought Good Housekeeping was preferable.

You are pleading insanity?

Find another hairdresser!

Oh dear, Bill. Once you have found a hairdresser that suits you, the customer, you don't change. Has nobody told you this?

I'm with Rizzo on this, except my hairdresser stocks Vogue, She, Heat and the Daily Mail. Certainly accounting for most tastes & you do need something to read while you're stewing. And Lewis Moody uses my hairdresser.......

[DCat]

How about we have a forum Yule party - December 21st? Get your cakes and ale (or equivalent), sit at the computer and we can moan and drink and eat to our hearts' content.


Here's today's Christmas moan. Stupid magazine articles telling you how to have a stress-free Christmas. The one I was looking at earlier started off by telling you how to dye your table linen "festive colours" and stitch sequins and buttons and ribbon on it. Then it started on painting tree branches and hanging home made candy canes and fudge in little bags off it. Finally it told you to cut down on housework by only cleaning kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and giving a quick dust and hoover. That IS my housework! Cut down on cleaning time by not taking cushions off sofa and moving furniture to hoover behind and under it? That's Spring cleaning you oafs! Winter is when you clean the bits that show, the kitchen and bathroom to be hygienic, and then you have a nice hot drink and a biscuit or two.

Oh and then the article finishes by telling you what fashionable clothes to change into so we can all look like Nigella while we cook Christmas dinner. I will be in jeans and a t-shirt and trying not to drop the roasting potatoes on the floor like I did the other year.

Like the idea of the Yule party on-line, but can we run it over to the 22nd? Our office christmas bash is on the 21st, starts at 2 with a sit down meal then off to whichever hostelry is nearest - either the Rutland & Derby or the Ale Wagon - and finishes when everybody is totally hammered. So the evening of the 21st is hopefully going to be a bit of a blur.