Jokes revived

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Old Hob
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Jokes revived

Post by Old Hob »

I'm really fed up with all the dour, gloomy posts on here and so I thought it time to revive the old jokes page.

And you can punctuate "old jokes page" how you choose.

Anyway: I have a new girlfriend - she is a STUNNER!!!
Not good looking, she works in an abbatoir.
Omnia dicta fortiora si dicta Latina
Old Hob
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by Old Hob »

Well, that went well.
Omnia dicta fortiora si dicta Latina
h's dad
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by h's dad »

Old Hob wrote:Well, that went well.
i thought it was a good one. Unfortunately the only one I have in the same vein simply isn't printable.
I am neither clever enough to understand nor stupid enough to play this game
technologus
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by technologus »

Oh go on then.

This is my favourite joke, which probably says more about me than the joke. Works best in a Brummie accent.

Q. What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

A. You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

Snortle.
strawclearer
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by strawclearer »

Oh...go on then...if you insist...http://tinyurl.com/h4g4c24
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WhitecapTiger
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by WhitecapTiger »

strawclearer wrote:Oh...go on then...if you insist...http://tinyurl.com/h4g4c24
That's the second such post you've made that required a warning before following the link :smt018


:smt005 :smt005


Oh, btw, he's beyond a joke :smt002
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Nailsworthstiger
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by Nailsworthstiger »

Well I went on-line earlier and bought two items... a chicken and an egg.
I want to see what comes first :smt001
ellis9
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by ellis9 »

technologus wrote:Oh go on then.

This is my favourite joke, which probably says more about me than the joke. Works best in a Brummie accent.

Q. What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

A. You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

Snortle.
This actually works better in a Black Country accent. There is a difference. Trust me :smt023
wormus
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by wormus »

My friend has just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover his flat. Turns out she was a Slovak.

Police stopped an Asian driver in his Transit on the motorway.
Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?"
The driver leans into the back and says "Hear that .... 3 of you have got to get out!"

Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
Nailsworthstiger
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by Nailsworthstiger »

I was driving along today when a cop stopped me.
"Papers" he said as I wound down my window.
"Scissors" I replied... "I win" and with that I drove off.
He must of wanted a rematch because he kept chasing me for the next 20 minutes!!!
Old Hob
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by Old Hob »

Post Brexit: An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub...

No, sorry. It was just the Englishman
Omnia dicta fortiora si dicta Latina
animalnitrate
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by animalnitrate »

Did you hear about the man who invented the original 'Knock Knock' joke ?

He won the Nobel prize :)
BeeJ
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by BeeJ »

Imagine the scene … a market place in ancient Rome. A faith healer has set up his stall with a large screen behind it. He cries, “Come forth all you who wish to be healed.” A man on crutches makes his way forward. “What is your name and what is wrong with you?” asked the faith healer. “Norman and I was born with a withered leg” replied the man. “Never worry, Norman,” said the faith healer, “Go behind the screen and you will be healed.”

Another man walked up to the stall but he appeared quite normal. “What is your name and what is wrong with you?” asked the faith healer. “M-m-m-my n-n-name is Eric and I w-w-w-was b-b-born with a s-s-s-peech impedim-m-ment,” replied the man. “Go behind the screen Eric and you too will be healed,” declared the faith healer.

The faith healer bowed his head in silent prayer for a couple of minutes. He then raised his hands and shouted, “Norman, throw your crutches over the screen!” A pair of crutches came flying over and landed in the square. Again, the faith healer bowed his head and cried, “Eric, Eric. Speak to me!”. There was a moment’s pause before Eric said ……


“N-n-n-norman’s fallen over!”
tigerburnie
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by tigerburnie »

Beej that's a belter :smt005
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Noddy555
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by Noddy555 »

BeeJ you're a star thats a cracker.
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