Jokes revived

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Old Hob
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Jokes revived

Post by Old Hob » Fri Oct 21, 2016 10:01 pm

I'm really fed up with all the dour, gloomy posts on here and so I thought it time to revive the old jokes page.

And you can punctuate "old jokes page" how you choose.

Anyway: I have a new girlfriend - she is a STUNNER!!!
Not good looking, she works in an abbatoir.
Omnia dicta fortiora si dicta Latina

Old Hob
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by Old Hob » Sat Oct 22, 2016 7:58 pm

Well, that went well.
Omnia dicta fortiora si dicta Latina

h's dad
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by h's dad » Thu Oct 27, 2016 1:39 pm

Old Hob wrote:Well, that went well.
i thought it was a good one. Unfortunately the only one I have in the same vein simply isn't printable.
I am neither clever enough to understand nor stupid enough to play this game

technologus
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by technologus » Thu Oct 27, 2016 5:18 pm

Oh go on then.

This is my favourite joke, which probably says more about me than the joke. Works best in a Brummie accent.

Q. What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

A. You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

Snortle.

strawclearer
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by strawclearer » Thu Oct 27, 2016 6:00 pm

Oh...go on then...if you insist...http://tinyurl.com/h4g4c24
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WhitecapTiger
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by WhitecapTiger » Sat Oct 29, 2016 10:29 pm

strawclearer wrote:Oh...go on then...if you insist...http://tinyurl.com/h4g4c24
That's the second such post you've made that required a warning before following the link :smt018


:smt005 :smt005


Oh, btw, he's beyond a joke :smt002
Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.

Nailsworthstiger
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by Nailsworthstiger » Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:05 pm

Well I went on-line earlier and bought two items... a chicken and an egg.
I want to see what comes first :smt001

ellis9
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by ellis9 » Thu Apr 06, 2017 3:21 pm

technologus wrote:Oh go on then.

This is my favourite joke, which probably says more about me than the joke. Works best in a Brummie accent.

Q. What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

A. You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

Snortle.
This actually works better in a Black Country accent. There is a difference. Trust me :smt023

wormus
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by wormus » Thu Apr 06, 2017 8:49 pm

My friend has just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover his flat. Turns out she was a Slovak.

Police stopped an Asian driver in his Transit on the motorway.
Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?"
The driver leans into the back and says "Hear that .... 3 of you have got to get out!"

Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

Nailsworthstiger
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by Nailsworthstiger » Thu Apr 06, 2017 9:48 pm

I was driving along today when a cop stopped me.
"Papers" he said as I wound down my window.
"Scissors" I replied... "I win" and with that I drove off.
He must of wanted a rematch because he kept chasing me for the next 20 minutes!!!

Old Hob
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by Old Hob » Fri Apr 07, 2017 10:46 am

Post Brexit: An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub...

No, sorry. It was just the Englishman
Omnia dicta fortiora si dicta Latina

animalnitrate
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by animalnitrate » Fri Apr 07, 2017 10:50 am

Did you hear about the man who invented the original 'Knock Knock' joke ?

He won the Nobel prize :)

BeeJ
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by BeeJ » Fri Apr 07, 2017 11:04 am

Imagine the scene … a market place in ancient Rome. A faith healer has set up his stall with a large screen behind it. He cries, “Come forth all you who wish to be healed.” A man on crutches makes his way forward. “What is your name and what is wrong with you?” asked the faith healer. “Norman and I was born with a withered leg” replied the man. “Never worry, Norman,” said the faith healer, “Go behind the screen and you will be healed.”

Another man walked up to the stall but he appeared quite normal. “What is your name and what is wrong with you?” asked the faith healer. “M-m-m-my n-n-name is Eric and I w-w-w-was b-b-born with a s-s-s-peech impedim-m-ment,” replied the man. “Go behind the screen Eric and you too will be healed,” declared the faith healer.

The faith healer bowed his head in silent prayer for a couple of minutes. He then raised his hands and shouted, “Norman, throw your crutches over the screen!” A pair of crutches came flying over and landed in the square. Again, the faith healer bowed his head and cried, “Eric, Eric. Speak to me!”. There was a moment’s pause before Eric said ……


“N-n-n-norman’s fallen over!”

tigerburnie
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by tigerburnie » Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:54 pm

Beej that's a belter :smt005
There's a bit of a party atmosphere around Bath this afternoon - but you wouldn't get that at Leicester if we finished ninth." Richard Cockerill 7/5/16

Noddy555
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Re: Jokes revived

Post by Noddy555 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:10 pm

BeeJ you're a star thats a cracker.

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