Joke du Jour (2)

Old Hob · Post by **Old Hob** » Wed Jun 08, 2011 1:48 pm

The club president, coach, a prop and a wing are taking a charter flight to the Premiership Finals when the engines cut out.

The pilot enters the passenger compartment and says, "We're going down. There's only four parachutes! Since I'm the pilot I'm taking one," and then jumps from the plane.

The coach says, "Without me the team won't have a chance, so I'm taking one," and he jumps out.

The winger says, "I'm the fastest and smartest man on the pitch and without me the team can't win a game, so I'm taking one," and he jumps out of the plane.

The club president looks at the prop and says, "You take the last parachute. The team needs you more than it needs me". The prop responds, "We both can take a parachute. The smartest man on the pitch just jumped out of the plane with my kit bag on his back.

TigrisLeicesteris · Post by **TigrisLeicesteris** » Wed Jun 08, 2011 4:00 pm

You can look at some people and instantly know they're only going to get two awards in life.

A birth certificate and a death certificate

Old Hob · Post by **Old Hob** » Thu Jun 09, 2011 11:42 am

My therapist says I'm obsessed with violent revenge. Huh, I'll show the stupid b%$**

TigrisLeicesteris · Post by **TigrisLeicesteris** » Thu Jun 09, 2011 4:01 pm

Bought my wife a new fridge yesterday, you should have seen her face light up when she opened it

TigrisLeicesteris · Post by **TigrisLeicesteris** » Thu Jun 09, 2011 4:05 pm

I went to Weight Watchers last night...

I dropped a bag of Maltesers on the floor....

Greatest game of Hungry Hippos I've ever seen!

POSTIGER · Post by **POSTIGER** » Sat Jun 11, 2011 7:31 pm

When my wife said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking......

and then I saw her face.

cornish tigress · Post by **cornish tigress** » Mon Jun 20, 2011 7:35 am

Morning Rizzo, I think we have a job for you

Rizzo · Post by **Rizzo** » Mon Jun 20, 2011 11:27 am

Spam removed. Spammer banned. Job done.

cornish tigress · Post by **cornish tigress** » Mon Jun 20, 2011 1:08 pm

she's so MASTERFUL

Kinoulton · Post by **Kinoulton** » Mon Jun 20, 2011 5:05 pm

You don't mess with Rizzo so close to the summer solstice.

Or Hangwayne by ye nutsak as they call it.

Bill W (2) · Post by **Bill W (2)** » Mon Jun 20, 2011 5:26 pm

Kinoulton wrote:You don't mess with Rizzo so close to the summer solstice.

Or Hangwayne by ye nutsak as they call it.

Have to agree with the first!

Would Coleen go along with the second?

DCat · Post by **DCat** » Tue Jun 21, 2011 8:43 am

Its amazing what you miss by not coming on to this forum for a couple of days...

And there was me thinking it was the zombies!

POSTIGER · Post by **POSTIGER** » Tue Jun 21, 2011 8:54 pm

Like many people, I had no idea what to do after I left school.

But after thinking about it for a while, I decided to go home.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I asked my teacher for advice when taking my maths exam and he said that you should always read through the paper first.

That's the last time I listen to him, I was halfway through my horoscope when I heard "Ok, pencils down".

Granby · Post by **Granby** » Wed Jun 22, 2011 9:47 am

Doctor, I keep finding myself humming the tune to "Delilah"

Oh dear, sounds like you have caught Tom Jones syndrome.

Gosh, I've never heard of it, is it rare?

Well, it's not unusual....

Kinoulton · Post by **Kinoulton** » Wed Jun 22, 2011 11:47 am

This joke contains NO swear words.

We have a native Red Indian lady staying with us. She's a pretty thing called "Little Toe". I told her that was quite approriate, as I'd probably be banging her on the coffee table later.

Leicester Tigers

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