BBQ Rules

[Former Prop]

BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season.

Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a ‘real’ man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils
and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

(4) the man places the meat on the grill.

More routine

(5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring
another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

More routine

(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘her night off’. And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

[Gate]

Missed out the crucial hunter-gatherer Dawn Of Time thing where the man seriously sets fire to stuff. That's what barbecues are really about. Man puts a silly hat on, douses the briquettes in lighting fuel and ceremonially shouts "I am the God of Hellfire, and I bring you - FIRE, do-do-doo-do-do, FIRE" before applying the extra-long matches.

[Kinoulton]

Also, male home dweller starts to look lost as meat is burning. Male visitor looking clearly eager to help, grabs a tool and starts to flip burgers around.

Male home dweller (me) sits down. Mission accomplished.