All this double threading

Sim · Post by **Sim** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 7:03 pm

Heaven for you hell for everyone who is subjected to reading your rubbish

he he he

redtiger · Post by **redtiger** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 7:19 pm

when i was 13 and dropped out of third grade at wichita college i met a giraffe called simon and we climbed a tree together and then went the pub and had a drink and we got drunk me and simon, drunk on wine and all my troubles blew away like a maltesers wrapper on a windy day and we went to purple dave's club and i met a girl as sweet as can be i told her of the tree she felt sorry for me as she sipped G and T and then told me her name was dee, we kissed and it was the best kiss ever like the sweetest beautiful slow passionate kiss and then simon left and me and danced on a tightrope over flamingo bay it was a beautiful day

DCat · Post by **DCat** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 7:57 pm

Wow red - all of that without a single piece of punctuation. I'm impressed!

I had a fight with a mega spider when I was ironing this morning - I lost

Iain · Post by **Iain** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 11:35 pm

:roll: have you got nothing better to do?? Go get yourselves girlfriends.

Sim · Post by **Sim** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 11:37 pm

I'll be worried if Debbie got a girlfriend although intregged, keep me informed debbie

DCat · Post by **DCat** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 8:24 am

Some of my best friends are girls - although I am a happily married woman!

Still can't find the spider, though. I think it's hiding under the washing machine. God, it was big! Perhaps I ought to send my invisible friend to find it?

Kinoulton · Post by **Kinoulton** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 8:54 am

Returning from Friday's match I had a call from my mates. They were leaving the barbecue they were at and going round someone's house with all the booze.

So they said "Go there. Our daughter is there, she'll let you in."

I thought said teenage daughter might be a bit miffed at some random bloke turning up to disrupt her evening. Not a bit of it. She treated me like a knight in shining armour, come to her rescue.

She wanted to plug a lead into the computer, however, there under the desk, fiercely guarding all the leads, was the mother of all spiders.

I was terrified but the girl just looked at me all doe-eyed and asked me to put it out into the garden and then tell her when it was done. She left.

And so it was, with great tenderness, I selected the longest object I could and with due precision, smashed the spider to pieces.

Sorry, but it had to be done.

redtiger · Post by **redtiger** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 10:43 am

just remembered what an idiot i made of myself on sat night!! lack of night outs does this to a guy!! i was in lennon's bar with dougie, we were looking round for the other two lads we were out with when these two girls from a hen party came up to me and doug, the young brunette one came up to me and said "could you do me a favour and sit down please??" me being me i just took a seat and wondered what the hell she was about to do. she then handed me a card, i read it and it said "you must kiss the shortest guy in the pub"...i panicked and started pleading "look i'm straight, i'm straight!! i really can't go up to a guy and kiss him don't make me do it i'm straight!!" she then turned to me and said "no, silly. i'm the hen, that's my challenge. i wanted you to sit down to make you short." :oops: :oops:

the smacker she planted on my cheek and her kind words "you look like the nicest guy here" were kind of marred by the fact that i'd made a complete spanner of myself :oops: :oops:

Cornish Tiger · Post by **Cornish Tiger** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 12:45 pm

I normally just stop at three, you're honoured!

boondock · Post by **boondock** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 12:45 pm

two elephants fall off a cliff - BOOM BOOM

DCat · Post by **DCat** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 7:40 pm

Right, when this creature emerges from the washing machine, Kin (actually, there's a thought - I could wash it!) I'll signal by wailing and gnashing of teeth and you can come along and smash it to smithereens (the spider, not the washing machine). Mind you, it's a fair way from your gaff to mine, but who cares! My kids are both total wimps (as am I) - arachnids always turn up when t'other half is in Exeter or Durham or somewhere impossible.

Cornish Tiger · Post by **Cornish Tiger** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 8:19 pm

But spiders are lovely. The big ones are the nicest I think. Don't smash him! He's very scared. Put a glass over him, slide some paper underneath and take him outside if you can't pick him up. When you die and realise the Buddhists were right you'll be very glad you did.

And before you ask - bunnies are exempt.

Rizzo · Post by **Rizzo** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 9:44 pm

The other day my daughter was trying to encourage a large spider into a glass so she could do just that, but as she bent forward off the sofa to nudge the spider, the remote control fell off the arm of the sofa and squished Spidey before we could catch him to put him outside :(

Might I also add that as the days and evenings grow cooler, spiders will be looking for a place to spend the winter, and will investiagate any nooks and crannies in and around the house.....be nice to them, without spiders, the world would be buried under flies and thus disease and nasty substances.

Kinoulton · Post by **Kinoulton** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 9:13 am

When you wash a spider down the bath plughole, it doesn't die. It simply climbs up to the overflow hole at the top of the bath.

It lurks there, looking out through the hole, watching you bathe and so on. Then when it spies your husband going off to Durham, or Exeter, it waits for a while and then comes out to scare the wotsit out of you.

It's a fact.

redtiger · Post by **redtiger** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 10:32 am

i love the way midlands ladies say the word spider. "ooh it's a little spoider" that is soooo cute