Nouveau joke du jour
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Nouveau joke du jour
Did you hear about the hyena who ate a box of Oxo Cubes and made a laughing stock of himself?
AKA Delilah - Founder Member of 'The Mothers'
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simon redshaw
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OK, here's today's, carrying on the Biblical theme from the other joke thread:
The Ark comes to rest on Mount Ararat, and all the animals get out and wander off, doing their own thing. Noah just has a last look round, and in the hold finds a snake sitting there, all on his own.
'Why are you here?' asks Noah.
'I'm ssssssso ssssssad' says the snake. 'I feel sssssssso inadequate'
'Why is that?' Noah asks.
'Well, the Lord asked us to go forth and multiply, but I'm anly an adder'
The Ark comes to rest on Mount Ararat, and all the animals get out and wander off, doing their own thing. Noah just has a last look round, and in the hold finds a snake sitting there, all on his own.
'Why are you here?' asks Noah.
'I'm ssssssso ssssssad' says the snake. 'I feel sssssssso inadequate'
'Why is that?' Noah asks.
'Well, the Lord asked us to go forth and multiply, but I'm anly an adder'
AKA Delilah - Founder Member of 'The Mothers'
Sponsored by Kleenex
Sponsored by Kleenex
A young man from a very rural part of Ireland wins a place at University College Dublin where he will study philosophy. He's scared stiff of leaving home, but his dad drives him to the Uni and tells him just to relax and stay quiet until he feels confident enough to speak up.
At the first lecture he is absolutely in awe of all the smart young Dubliners sitting around him, chattering about various philosophical matters.
The lecturer brings the students to order and tells them that he's going to affect a very easy and gentle introduction to the subject of philosophy.
"Now then people. Let's look at opposites. What would you say, was the opposite to love?"
An easy question but as all the other students put their hands the air, our country boy keeps his hand down, not wishing to make a fool of himself.
"Hate!" calls out the chosen student.
"Absolutely correct. Now let's try another, what would be the opposite to calmness?" says the lecturer.
Again our country boy keeps his hand down in case it's some kind of trick question. But every other student shoots his hand up and the chosen one calls out: "Rage".
"Absolutely right." says the lecturer. "And another one, just as easy. What would be the opposite to woe?"
Our country lad is now thinking, this is ridiculous. These are so easy. I'm sticking my hand up with the rest. And indeed he sticks his hand up. The lecturer is delighted that the shy young lad has decided to join in and immediately picks him out.
"So young man, the opposite to woe is?"
"Well sir." says the lad: "Would that be, giddy-up?"
At the first lecture he is absolutely in awe of all the smart young Dubliners sitting around him, chattering about various philosophical matters.
The lecturer brings the students to order and tells them that he's going to affect a very easy and gentle introduction to the subject of philosophy.
"Now then people. Let's look at opposites. What would you say, was the opposite to love?"
An easy question but as all the other students put their hands the air, our country boy keeps his hand down, not wishing to make a fool of himself.
"Hate!" calls out the chosen student.
"Absolutely correct. Now let's try another, what would be the opposite to calmness?" says the lecturer.
Again our country boy keeps his hand down in case it's some kind of trick question. But every other student shoots his hand up and the chosen one calls out: "Rage".
"Absolutely right." says the lecturer. "And another one, just as easy. What would be the opposite to woe?"
Our country lad is now thinking, this is ridiculous. These are so easy. I'm sticking my hand up with the rest. And indeed he sticks his hand up. The lecturer is delighted that the shy young lad has decided to join in and immediately picks him out.
"So young man, the opposite to woe is?"
"Well sir." says the lad: "Would that be, giddy-up?"
Kicks and scrums and ruck and roll.....Is all my brain and body need!