Sublime Tigers. Recently, Kornboy was foolish enough to launch a vote about the best posters of your great forum, and some people were cynical enough to vote for me. As every prize winner, I feel compelled to honour this award. In farmland and agriculture contests the award winner is usually a one-ton bull who feels compelled to defecate in public when the jury chairman puts the blue ribbon on his horns. But I’ll try to find some other way to express my gratitude, if only for practical reasons.
I shall do a speech on a seasonal topic. The Six Nations are back, so the topic is fairly evident: "How to hate the English best". Some of you remember that it was my first post on this forum. Alas, it was ridden with grammar errors and typos, and I never had the courage to complete it. So, again, how to hate the English best.
Some may ask WHY hate the English ? First, if you're asking, you’re not English. That’s another reason to hate the English: you can hate them to the point of piercing your own stomach to feel more bitterness, they won’t give a flyin’ fook. But, apart from their indifference to hatred, there are many more reasons to hate the English. The first one being. Er... Being. Well, there must be a first one. Let’s go to the second one, then.
You see, it’s a bit confusing. I was in this bar with a Scot, a Welshboy, and an Irishman when that Italian man asked “why do you hate the English ?”
So, we all engaged in a contest to tell who hated them the most, and I had almost won when the Italian man said : “you are not-a answering-a my-a question : why do you hate the English?”
The Irishman said that was because of the potato famine. We approved.
What is the potato famine? said the Italian man.
“Well said the Irishman with visible embarrassment, I don’t remember quite exactly but I think it’s when you had a first helping of spuds and you’re still hungry. It’s called the potato famine. You wanna blame it on the English.”
Then the Welshboy complained someone had nicked his pint, then the Scot complained his Caledonian tasted like lager, then I ordered a round and we forgot the topic, so I don’t remember exactly why I should hate the English – after all, they come very handy during world wars – but all I know is that I obey my national duty during the Six Nations Tournament season, and hate everything Englsih with a blind passion. Except Arsenal but, excuse me, that is French.
Next week : what to wear when hating the English, or are berets easy to eat after a thoroughly humiliating defeat?
