a plus side to today?

kingneptuneii · Post by **kingneptuneii** » Sat Sep 16, 2006 10:37 pm

Can I just say that the new feature in the program this season: "inside line with George Chuter" is fantastic!! its worth buyingthe program just for his HISTERICAL take on the week at tigers....

Tigersfan90 · Post by **Tigersfan90** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 8:08 am

Chuter has fantastically written the Inside Line over the last two home matches. Very funny especially the part about the pigeon!

Vic · Post by **Vic** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 9:10 am

My favourite bit about George Chuter's column is the interesting facts that Daryl Gibson seems to contribute...................

Tigersfan90 · Post by **Tigersfan90** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 9:21 am

A New Zealander invented shouting in 1896! :o :roll:

Cornish Tiger · Post by **Cornish Tiger** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 11:38 am

Can someone type it up for us too far to come to the game. pretty please....

SilensFatuus · Post by **SilensFatuus** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 12:51 pm

I when I eventually venture downstairs.
Absolutely hilarious, was giggling the whole way through.

Cornish Tiger · Post by **Cornish Tiger** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 12:55 pm

Thanks SF. Thought the last one was very funny. Did your cold clear up? Did you have a good day?

SilensFatuus · Post by **SilensFatuus** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:17 pm

Cold did slightly, thanks CT.
See my post in 'Thanks for a good day', it was unfortunatly very disappointing.
Ahh, just realised my programme is not in my bag so must have left it on the train, sorry CT.

Rizzo · Post by **Rizzo** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 9:36 am

I can try and type it up later if anyone still wants it

Cornish Tiger · Post by **Cornish Tiger** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 10:01 am

I'd be really grateful Rizzo, but don't worry if you don't have time. It must take ages. The last one was very funny. It would be nice if the home page had them on like they did with his tour diary wouldn't it?

Rizzo · Post by **Rizzo** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 10:03 am

no probs, I will do it after lunch. I'm really supposed to be cleaning the bathroom now!

believe me, you will never look at a pigeon in the same way again after reading Chutes' article

Rizzo · Post by **Rizzo** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 9:11 pm

sorry for delay in transcribing this - my daughter had swiped the programme and it disappeared into the depths of her bedroom!

George Chuter - Inside Line - Episode Two.

It's good to be back in the saddle. During the week running up to the Sale game, training became a little more edgy. The first league game is always a big event, but the fact that we were playing the champions at home first up added a little more spice.

However, the first team session of the week revealed a problem. From the moment they stepped onto the training park, the backs looked out of sorts. Many were fidgety and seemed distracted. Things were made worse when the forwards romped home in a game of touch rugby to the tune of 115 points to 5. The backs' solitary try came from the goose-stepping Danny "DJ Chef" Hipkiss. The barnstorming centre brushed off 13 would-be tacklers to score yet another solo try-of-the-season. The forwards were feeling charitable and neglected to remind him that it was 'only touch mate'. After the humiliation was over, a very pleased Richard Coc kerill led the forwards off for a session of raw meat eating and continuous head-banging, as mental, and physical preparation.
Paddy Howard, meanwhile, gathered the backs in a huddle to get to the bottom of the problem. Sevens ace Tom Varndell spoke up. It transpired that a number of the backs were very disturbed by the presence of an exceedingly menacing-looking pigeon that had perched itself on the crossbar at the other end of the field. Many of them claimed to be able to feel those "beady, lifeless eyes" boring into them through the supposed safety of the huddle. A collective shiver rain through the group. Paddy's eyes narrowed. he realised this was already a key moment of the season. The situation had to be dealt with before it could escalate. The midday sun beat down. A faint breeze rustled through the grass. Far away, a dog barked. Slowly, Paddy broke away from the huddle. With steely resolve in his eyes, he turned to face the feathered demon, and began to move towards it. Then, suddenly, he exploded into a full sprint and released a blood-curdling scream of rage. Running full-tilt and resembling some sort of whirling dervish, he neared the perched peril. The bird took one look at the screaming red-faced Australian and flew off. A huge cheer rose from the gathered backs and they all ran to their conquering hero. Paddy was carried from the field on the shoulders of his troops beaming with pride. 'What of the pigeon?' I hear you ask. Well, he fluttered out of the story and into Tigers folklore. He was never seen at the ground again. Some say he went on to set up a home for avian flu sufferers. Others say he simply disappeared. There are even those who think his ghost still haunts that crossbar. I think they're all idiots. It was only a week ago, so the bird is probably eating worms somewhere in Leicestershire.
The backs spent the rest of the week with a real spring in their step. In truth, Paddy's fearless actions had had a profound effect on the squad as a whole. Training was sharp and only one ball was dropped all week. It later transpired that this ball had been tampered with. The controversial events at the Oval were still fresh in everyone's minds and the situation was dealt with using utmost tact and common sense. The IRB was alerted and they responded by sending a crack team to Oval Park. A controlled explosion was carried out on the ball, and an investigation got under way to determine the identity of the culprit. A prime suspect was Lewis Moody. The case against him was dropped when the IRB team determined that he had been absent from the training ground at the time, having been given the week off to recover from his first dance at his wedding. The inquest continues.
The week finished with a fine team performance against Sale. A win with a try-bonus point was an excellent way to start the season. The changing room was filled with tired but very happy players. The first hurdle was successfully dealt with and a marker had been laid down. Unfortunately, the game against Bath was less successful but the treadmill had well and truly restarted.
I would like to say, as an addendum, that no animals were harmed in the writing of this article. Paddy shooed a pigeon and someone shouted at a dog, but that's it. Incidentally, Daryl Gibson told me that a New Zealander invented shouting in 1896.
Read more in the next instalment. Alternatively you could get a friend to read it to you, so ensuring both hands are free to accommodate a beer and a pork bap. Live long, and prosper. And don't forget the apple sauce.
...............................................................................

Photos: one of Danny Hipkiss with the caption "The forwards let Danny Hipkiss basque in the limelight after another sensational solo try (p.s. it was only touch remember Danny.)
One of George, Alex M, Castro and Big Jim with the caption "George and his fellow forwards look on in amazement as the backs shy away from that dastardly pigeon."
and one of Richard Coc kerill with the caption "Richard Cockerill mocks the backs' claim that the pigeon 'was this big!' "

Gate · Post by **Gate** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 9:18 pm

That is beezer. Thanks, Rizzo. Like CT said, it would be great if these pieces could be posted up on the front page.

Cornish Tiger · Post by **Cornish Tiger** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 9:24 pm

Thanks Rizzo. That's very funny. He has a job once he is through with hooking! Thanks so much for typing it all out.

Rizzo · Post by **Rizzo** » Tue Sep 19, 2006 11:26 pm

if the club see fit to post these somewhere on the site, all well and good. if not, I'm happy to type them up - it keeps me in practice