Leicester Tigers

Just tell the workmen that Syd can't stand idle workmen.

They'll soon get a wriggle on.

Errrr "asses and discuss things"?

Fair enough.

Is Friday dress down day?

I didn't want to risk it so I played it safe with blue/black striped suit, lilac shirt with matching tie and cuff links.

Spud's in his barbour because it's raining. (I kid you not, he really is.)

I'm a pretty good bus conductor. I always politely help the young ladies get up stairs without stumbling in those high heels and tight skirts.

I help them down again too.

That look might give you an idea of how you're going to pose for the company calendar.

Get yer leather and lace on and you can be October.

Cher + Dead Ringer For Love = Male Fantasy

Ah Penny Smith! She does a lot for the slightly more mature lady. I'd do her, any day of the week.

Isn't her video all about yoga, though? Not too rock & roll, all that Lotus Position stuff.

For the oily sweaty biker image, I think I'll go with your first suggestion. Cher.

No problems on fitness. Regular football, some weight training, and I've bought the Jade Goody Fitness DVD For Incredibly Stupid Chavs.

Now then people. I did commit to me and Spud working for the organisation and each wearing the prescribed leather gear. (I think it was a helmet for Spud and a mini skirt for me. Well dodgy.) But it sounds like you're tossing me a round like a piece of meat. Actually I quite like it. Carry on. And d...

I'm no stranger to the inside of a leather mini. Normally I'm there in hot pursuit of two female thighs, but at least I'll know my way around. Spud's OK to travel. He likes to hang out on quality beaches. Bondi, St Tropez, Malibu. Also Omaha. His Gt Gt Gt Gt Gt Grandad survived the landings there an...

OK I accept the job. I need a day to buy the leathers. I've told Spud and he's very excited. Do you need his CV?

I could be a p.a.. I'm not very decorative but I can type quickly, I make really nice tea, and I'm always at work by 8 a.m. I'll also keep your office girls on their toes by chasing them round the corridors on a regular basis. Don't worry, the chances of me ever catching them are minimal, and to be ...